I was in grade eleven. I was in a one-year relationship with the guy I adored the most. It was just a day before my birthday when my mother learned about this affair. But she kept quiet, and controlled her anger. She didn’t want my day to get spoiled. I undoubtedly love her for this. Even she didn’t have a conversation about this matter until my brother went off to his college.
After, four days she had a point-by-point discussion with me. This was the phase I never wanted to face. I didn’t want to answer, but I had to answer. I wanted to disclose everything but not in the way it was happening. I was feeling suffocated in an air-conditioned room. I couldn’t engage myself into that position.
But how she came to know about it? I had a personal diary in which I penned every initial in my relationship; from the first meet to first peck. I acknowledged the purple pages with first date, touch, embrace, caress, drive, and what not. Those pages were fascinated by all this data but not my mother. What an immature teenager I was!
She was devastated to know all these details of my life. Never in my life I wanted to see her like that. Also, I never wanted my relationship to be the account of her that standpoint.
She called out my name and said, “We need to talk.” I was waiting for this call. But how that was possible that I knew it already? It was a custom for me to fiddle with my mother’s almirah and the day next to my birthday, what I encountered? The dairy, and it was mine. My mind was blown away completely. An earthquake occurred in my mind. I was absolutely unaware about what to do. In a rush, I tore off the pages which explicated all my specifics and kept in a secretive place. Again, what an immaturity I did. If she had the diary in her almirah then it’s definite that she would have read it all.
She didn’t had any expressive expressions on her face which scared me to hell. She asked, “You had an affair? An affair which was unknown to me. You built a new relationship without giving a clue to the old ones.”
I didn’t have an answer. I was effectively spotless about what to speak. She was sequentially asking me about the factuality but my only response was tears.
Finally she gave me an ultimatum by announcing, “If you will not come out with the truth then I will reveal everything to your father and if you confess me everything I will conceal your false move.”
I sobbed and asked, “Promise?”
I started with, “I had a relationship with him since grade tenth.”
She asked his name. I answered with a stammer in my voice.
There were a number of questions fired at me and my position was worsening. I wanted to run away from this eventuality but I had no doors open. I was caged. In fact, I think my mother was too trapped in her liability of being a parent and also because of the concern she had for her adolescent.
She further questioned what he is nowadays doing.
I replied, “He is yet in college.”
“And his father?”
These questions were anyhow feasible for me to explain but the question she inquired next was unimaginable and also too severe to answer for any teenager.
She asked, “Till what limit you had your relationship with him.”
I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know how to react. My mouth was sealed for some fraction of seconds. But I had to come out of that and had to give voice to what she asked me.
With an expressionless face I spoke, “Kiss”.
She didn’t have any specific reaction to this.
The question-answer scenario went on.
At last, my mother warned me by saying, “This was never expected out of you. I counted on you, but you in no time broke my trust and I believe this trust couldn’t be rebuilt. This isn’t your age to be in love or to withhold an affair. He is yet in his college and hasn’t stood on his foot, so how could you even expect that this would be unobjectionable by your parents. When he will do something of his own at a good pace, we will think about it. Mark my words, ‘Think about it’. And aren’t you acquainted with your father’s personage that he is strictly against inter-caste wedding, so how could you enter into such a relation. Didn’t you give a thought about it even once? Being in such a rigid atmosphere, you still took this step and slided into this new entanglement. Why? Now this can’t be mended but you can avoid recapitulating the same mistake by staying away from him. Once, you will feel very difficult to get over it. You will feel like you are without your closest friend but gradually you will recoup and move ahead in your life. I hope you are getting in your mind about what I am saying.”
I was exhausted and was wholly blank by then, so I just nodded.
This was the day I never ever wanted to experience. It was tough for me to handle and above that I couldn’t see my mother lamenting and above that the reason is being me. The dispiritedness on her face still makes me feel me like as if I was her criminal. I never want her to be dismayed due to me but I even never wanted to lose everything and face a scenario like that. I could sum up by saying that it was the most unfavourable day of my life because I made myself suffer and also others.